by YingYing Shang

When Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders’ public cheating scandal and break-up exploded in the news, Stewart bore the brunt of the attack, rather than the married man that she had cheated on Robert Pattinson with. “Slut!” the Internet and fans everywhere hissed. “Trampire!”

Stewart made a bad decision, as the young are prone to make. But that the humiliation would fall entirely on her shoulders shows an underlying misogyny in society. The public neglected to blame Sanders, an older married man who might full well take advantage of her youth and inexperience, and instead plunged straight in to slut-shaming over twitter and the blogosphere. Stewart’s role in the movie sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman was cut; its title was changed simply to “The Huntsman,” while Sanders’ career and position in the movie was not affected.  Sanders, as a man, did not experience the vicious public backlash, even though both committed the same deed.

I’m not a Twilight fan or even a Kristen Stewart fan, but this scandal clearly shows the slut-shaming and misogyny still omnipresent in today’s society. In high school, the most common insult for a girl either not liked or liked all too well is “slut.”

So what does slut-shaming mean and how does it affect those of us that are not Kristen Stewart? Slut-shaming is shaming or attacking a woman or a girl for having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings. Any woman who has had sex can be a victim of slut-shaming. A virgin can be a victim of slut-shaming. I’ve been a victim of slut-shaming. As long as gendered slurs like “slut” continue to be weapons casually used, any female is at risk for being slut-shamed.

What do we call a man who is promiscuous? Casanova, Romeo, Don Juan, ladies’ man, stud, pimp—all names that embody machismo notions of power and conquest. What do both men and women call a woman who acts on her feelings? A slut. This sexual double standard means that women are denounced for their sexuality, whereas men are hailed.

Frequently, it’s women who shame other women. We’ve internalized misogyny to the extent that slut-shaming is a major way that women attempt to compete with each other for male approval. We live in a society that defines women’s worth by their physical attractiveness and male approval as a form of limited power. If you feel insecure, all you have to do is call another girl a “slut” and suddenly you’re the one who is “good” and on top of the social pecking order.

Face it: At one time or another, many of us have called a woman a “slut.” We see a woman who’s getting away with something we wishwe could get away with. What do we call her? A “slut.” We see a woman who dresses provocatively, and maybe we wish we had the guts to dress that way ourselves. What do we call her? A “slut.” We see Kristen Stewart in a cheating scandal with an older married man? Never mind the married man, she’s a “slut.” Most of us recognize that this stigma is unjust and unwarranted. Women have the same right to express sexuality or to make mistakes that men do. Yet we have used the “slut” insult anyway: Our social conditioning runs too deep.

Conversely, it’s that same drive to find male approval that leads some girls who wouldn’t otherwise sexualize and objectify themselves to do so. Think about it. If a girl is insecure and still insecure after bashing another girl who she sees getting the coveted male approval, she feels the need to sexualize herself just like those advertisements she sees that say that a girl that a boy wants is the best kind to be. Maybe she sleeps around. Maybe she engages in supposedly “slutty” behavior. How does society react then? By slut-shaming her and lowering her self-esteem further. What a vicious, destructive cycle.

So what can we do to stop it? Our society must recognize that slut-bashing is a serious problem. Too often, they dismiss it as a normal part of adolescent life. But slut-bashing is a form of sexual harassment, and it is illegal under Title IX, which entitles students to a harassment-free education. If a teacher witnesses slut-bashing, she must make sure that it stops. Schools have an obligation to go beyond reminders of “Don’t bully” and “Practice safety,” talk to kids about the harm in sexual labeling.

But the most important thing that all of us need to work on is this: to stop calling or thinking of women as “sluts.” Ask yourself, if it were a man who exhibited similar or parallel behavior, how would you react? Make an effort to support other women in their decisions, to not leap to conclusions about others, and to understand the underlying and internalized misogyny in all of us. From Kristen Stewart’s unfairly overblown portion of the cheating scandal to that little thought that goes through your head when you see a woman who dresses differently, will yourself to not slut-shame. Only by we becoming aware of our behavior, will we have the power to stop.