by Sam Holmes
He stares at himself in the mirror. The face looking back at him wears a mask of uncertainty. He never thought that he would be driven
to this point. The entire house is silent as he comes to terms with what he’s about to do. There’s no turning back now. He taps a button, and in moments, his classmates become witness to his desperation. They try to hold back tears as a photo of their shirtless friend appears on Instagram. Beneath the photo is a single word: #swag. He is trying to let people know that he needs help.
It’s one of the most startling epidemics of the 21st century, the elephant in the room, the ghost that haunts our Facebook feeds: the Teenage Boy Selfie (TBS). Adolescent males are taking pictures of themselves in their bathrooms, at sporting events, in public shopping centers, and even at school. Many of them believe that this action is empowering. To them, it is a digital assertion of masculinity and dominance. In reality, a TBS is quite the opposite.
The truth is that the young men who are engaging in such behavior completely lack self-esteem. They are victims of the system. After all, men are consistently portrayed as the infallible leaders of society. Just think about it: every President of the United States has been a man. An adult male is the paradigm for dominance and success. Men must manage higher salaries than their female counterparts, and they hold most positions of authority in business and politics. It comes as no surprise that a young man would feel overwhelmed by his opportunities in a patriarchal society. When these poor youths feel such inadequacy, they turn to their iPhone cameras for comfort.
Many people are making a fuss about how selfies impact young women, to the point where it would seem selfies are a “female problem.” This is not true. It is high time we address the real problem in “selfie culture”: the fact that young men in society do not feel empowered, and are turning to their peers for approval.
Chris*, a young man who admits to have taken “one or two” teenage boy selfies in his lifetime, agrees with this sentiment. When asked if he felt empowered as a young man in our modern day, he merely shrugged his shoulders, and responded, “Kind of….I guess.” Later, when Chris was asked to properly illustrate the art of TBS, he had some difficulty. iPhone in hand, he gazed into the bathroom mirror and opened the camera function. As he prepared to pull up his t-shirt to reveal his abs, Chris had to stop. It was a sobering scene. The emotional teen was so overwhelmed that he could not even complete his demonstration.
“I feel good about myself when someone likes one of my profile pictures on Facebook….But, like, I don’t think it’s bad that I feel that way…a lot of guys do”
This startling quote came from Jay* , a young man who is all too familiar with the TBS. Jay might “feel good” about himself, but his desperate need for approval from others is obvious—and it’s everywhere. Some young men like Jay claim that using social media to control the way he’s portrayed is empowering. Others may try to downplay the situation and say that he is “expressing himself.” But the truth is obvious: boy selfie culture is a thinly veiled plea from young men who put too much emphasis on their physical appearance. Men are always portrayed as being prosperous and in control. When teenage boys feel that they cannot fulfill this expectation, they take comfort in the compliments of friends. But they don’t want likes or reblogs. Deep down, they desire nothing more than someone to free them from the shackles of social media and lead them to the Selfie-Free Promised Land.
If you ever see a boy taking a picture of himself, do not be fooled. He is expressing his vulnerability, not celebrating an accomplishment. Whether he’s striking a pose in a gym or celebrating his college graduation, we can have sympathy for this poor young man. By posting a photo of his own face, a boy is sending the message that he feels that he is drowning in an endless pool of opportunity.
*Indicates a pseudonym. These boys have asked to keep their identity a secret. It is most likely because of TBS induced shame.
This isn’t a boy or girl problem, and giving it a gender divide gallantly misses the point. The issue is with the current generation of teenagers not understanding that real validation comes from your accolades. Selfies act as a quick, easy, temporary fix to low self-esteem (a chronic teenage condition since low self esteem became a thing). It becomes a problem when kids don’t realize that it’s a shallow and meaningless way to build themselves up on a house of cards, rather than make some real self esteem by doing something and achieving something.
I interpreted the gender divide in this article to be a statement on how girls who take selfies are perceived.
OMJ SAM YOU ARE A GODDESS!!! I love a good parody, this is so amazingly funny but has brilliant insights <3
I just love this so much! I know some people think that Selfies act as a quick, easy, temporary fix to low self-esteem but really it is a way of showing self-acceptance and -love. This is so important especially for communities that are oppressed by/through apprearence such as fat people, women or people of colour. It is often said that one of the most radical thing you can do is start loving yourself and Selfies really are the physical manifestation of that.
Although both boys and girls take selfies it is always girls who seem to get shit for it in the media. Giving it a gender divide gallantly makes the point. Women are always focused on more when critising appearence and self-obsession. We are so used to women hating ourselves and thee media telling us to hate ourselves that when self-made media shows oppessed minorities celebrating themselves EVERYONE LOSES THEIR SHIT
Oppressed minorities such as women, people of colour, fat people etc all get validation, confidence and often social support from taking selfies. The idea that real validation comes from your accolades is such a narrow, ignorant viewpoint because the oppressed very often are overlooked and their acheivements unrecognised. It is a privilege if all your acheivements are recognised to their fullest extent by society, or even friends and family, and privilege needs to be checked.
I know I personally create my own real self esteem by taking selfies and share them with my community. I also take selfies when I do something or achieve something academic or social or whatever and sharing them just gives me a REAL 10000000000% confidence boost and allows me to share my acceptance and love for myself. I love myself and selfies are an awesome, social, celibratory way to share the radical self love!
I get that the panic over girls taking selfies is stupid. I still think it’s important to acknowledge that every president being a man doesn’t mean boys don’t face self-esteem issues. Sure, this is satirical, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.
This post is meant to be a parody of specifically the media attention on girl selfies. Its not saying that boys don’t have self esteem issues, its saying that the media does not talk about these issues.
I agree with you 100%. Young men have an entirely different set of stressors than many young women. There’s been a movement recently toward empowering young men to embrace emotions society has encouraged them to bury or ignore. Until I learned of this movement and watched interviews with young men discussing how they feel about the pressures of society, it’d never occurred to me what a real problem this was.